What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
