You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
