Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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