my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
