one might say we're banned from that church
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
3 2 1 whiskey
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
