I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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