If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
