I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
