I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm always down for nudity.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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