It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He better not be in your backpack
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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