I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just invented taco cereal.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
