Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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