i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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