My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
