no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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