Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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