Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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