Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
