I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
