I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
