awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
bring money and cleavage
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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