Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
