Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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