Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
