Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
