she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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