Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
