Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
