I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
