I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
