i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
