1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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