Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
