you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
