She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
