I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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