I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
