he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
