how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
