i think my tv is drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
