Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
