well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
