Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
