You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
