Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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