I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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