You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
