we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
