she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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