I'm lost and stupid without you.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
