In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
