I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
