our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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