I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
